Theories and philosophy
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Prying into the mind of ORGYDAVE
If you really want to get a sense of what exactly is going on up there in the Dave Man's head, you must see things from my perspective. I guess the best way for normal humans to see things from my perspective is to be: really drunk, really ticklish, overly sarcastic, stoned out of your mind and recieve a ten minute blow job every twenty minutes. If you do all of these things at once, you would get a good sense of how I act...CRAZY!

Now, one cannot keep these crazy feelings and thoughts to themselves, that's why one of my background must let PUBLIC SELF-HUMILIATION be the wind beneath their wings. Sure, one like me will have plenty of friends but your three real friends still will remain: Self humiliation, Mountain Dew and Pussy. You'll find those things to be most helpful to reach your goal of becoming the class idiot. If you want to be like me, you must think about all three of those things a minimum of 22.5 hours of your day. And be strict with yourself, you gotta do it everyday!

Now, down below are some ways that you may relieve some of your boredom and/or insane antics.

Don't you just want to take me home?
This is me at the pet store in the mall. Yes there are people around, and no, I don't give a fuck. :)
   The Mall
The mall opens up a world of opportunities for you and your friends to get some quality time understanding the real "you". I personally like to use this time for public humiliation. Best of all, LOTS OF STRANGERS are around, so your friends will also really start to understand your life-long theory: YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SOCIETY. You never have. You are perfectly free to do whatever you want, screw what other people think. If you want to sing and dance in the mall even though you have no sense of rhythem and you've had throat cancer for 6 years, GO AHEAD! That's your right. There's no such thing as "being embarrassed" when you could almost give a shit.

Fun stuff to do:
If not kept active, Dave can get bored very easily. So when Dave's NOT ingaged in sexual activities, he likes to do crazy things. Here a list of stuff you could do too:

  • Go to a basketball game dressed as zombie
  • Eat seemingly unedible objects
  • Pop out of an open grave at a funeral procession
  • Pretend stuffed animals are real and they are attacking you
  • Make out with the Santa Claus mailbox in the mall
  • Offer to pick other people's noses and do so without their consent.
  • Play "Hand Monster" with your pet cockatiels
  • Welcome the new neighbors by running naked through their yard each time you see them outside
  • Frog baseball
  • Fall asleep on riding games at Dream Machine
  • Drool frequently and make moaning sounds

    There are many, many other things you can do to make yourself look stupid and have a good time doing it, you just have to figure them out on your own!


    Words of Wisdom
    "Trying is the first step towards failure." -Homer Simpson

    "If stupidity was a crime, you would be serving life without parole." - T-shirt

    "Prevent rape, say yes." - unknown

    "Save the trees, wipe your ass with an owl." - T-shirt

    "They're just jealous because YOU hear the voices." - T shirt (I modified the phrase)

    "She says I don't listen...or some shit like that." - T-shirt

    "No, I don't mind if you ask a question. Do you mind if I pretend to give a shit?" - Me

    "Woman + Gossip = headache" - Me

    "I love cats. They taste just like chicken!" - Bumper sticker

    "Lost your cat? Try looking under my tires." - Bumper sticker

    "Simple things pleasure simple people." - Me

    "Cop didn't see it, I didn't do it!" - George Carlin

    "Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. why isn't selling fucking legal? Why is it illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? In the Army, you get a medal for spraying NAPALM on people! Giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world." - George Carlin

    "Earth is just another planet's Hell." - Anonymous,

    "Never argue with a stupid person, they bring you down to their level and beat you with experiance." - Derek Lemiuex

    "A friend will help you move across town. A BEST friend will help you move a body across town." - Me

    If you like this, you will probably like my online book too

    		•

    Where's the love, Santa?
    Always fun to slip the tongue to an inanimate object.


    Dave's been skunked again
    At the mall, possibilites to go nuts are endless.